I would kill you for your spaghetti right now.

I'm not even kidding.  I would kill you and not think twice or even feel bad.  That's what this diet has done for my sanity.

The upshoot here, don't bring carbs near my person if you value your life.

And garlic bread...I'd give my left nipple for garlic bread.

I tried to make a pizza crust tonight that I was assured wouldn't be the consistency of fun foam (you know, that crafty shit that most kids' projects in elementary school are made of?), wouldn't taste like egg, and wouldn't cost me 97,846 carbs for my day.

IT DID NOT DELIVER.  On any front, really.  Also, it was made from Psyllium husk, which, if you ever read product labels, is the top ingredient in most fiber powders.

Guys, I didn't really need any help with regularity.  I eat so much fat in my diet that my lower GI is practically a slip-n-slide.  Fiber is not a thing I'm epically concerned about--other than this: I can subtract dietary fiber from the carbs on the nutrition label and get my net carb count, which is all I really have to count against my total.

You know, that whopping ONE SERVING of carbs I'm allowed.

This is the trend I'm noticing with all keto recipes--they look good, they sound OK, the ingredients aren't disagreeable, but you put them together and they universally taste something like ass.  The one thing I've found that I do enjoy is yogurt made from coconut milk.  It's edible.  That and protein shakes are pretty much what's keeping me alive right now.  This can totally explain my sunny disposition or lack thereof.

I'm considering going vegetarian so I don't have to keep ruining decent meat.  And because I've eaten so much cheese, I think I can understand the language of mice.

I don't even know if that mice/cheese thing is true.  I just needed a good thing to end that sentence with and I'm so tired (low-carb flu, because I cheated and had small french fries, which caused me to gain FIVE pounds, so now I have to get back into ketosis, which might require a blood sacrifice.  I'm sure it's going to happen to the next fucker who pops popcorn at work.  ASSHOLES.) that I can't brain today.  I'm not sure I can be reliably counted on to spell my name correctly.  It's a good thing I have business cards.

Anyway.  What was I saying?  Something.  Oh, right...vegetarian.  The way I figure is this:  Eating has become a miserable chore, so I might as well.  I just don't think I'm supposed to live off of cream cheese.  I have coconut oil and MCT oil and coconut milk....I don't think it would be too big of a switch right now.

I'll be sure to keep you posted, though.